Its your IUD

The gynecologist says: Hormonal IUDs, like Mirena, Jaydess, or the newest product in Canada called Kyleena (a low-dose hormonal IUD that can be used for five years) control bleeding in part by thinning the lining of the uterus. Progestins keep the lining of the uterus from growing out of controlbut it can do too good a job, so the lining is a bit unstable and sheds. This can translate to a period that is so light it is perceived as spotting. Tracking your cycle will help.For some women, particularly those who have heavy flow prior to an IUD, they will experience irregular spotting instead of the heavy period, or spotting with lighter flow. Women should weigh the pros and cons of spotting against what periods were like beforeespecially if they were heavy or painful.(Related: 10 Doctor-Recommended Ways to Make Getting an IUD Less Painful)

It’s all the exercise you’re doing

The gynecologist says: Women who spot after intercourse or intense exercise may do so simply because the friction of the cervix is causing some irritation. Women who are taking up new rigorous exercise routines and who lose weight rapidly may also experience spotting owing to changes in hormones. Burning fat cells and weight loss can release estrogen into the body. And, because fat cells help produce some sex hormones, sustained weight loss can cause a lower level of estrogen in the body. If a woman loses too much weight, her periods may stop and spotting may result. If that’s the case, you should visit your doctor.(Related: Demonizing Food? Its a Sign of Orthorexia)

Youre stressed

The gynecologist says: Stress plays a complex role in spotting and cycle changes. Likely the increase in cortisol affects the bodys signaling system and the change in hormones causes spotting to occur.(Related: A Bath Is the Stress-Melter You Need Right Now)

You have ectropion or polyps

The gynecologist says: “If you have significant or bothersome spotting, a trip to the doctor is warranted. Polyps are small growths on the cervix that can bleed on contact. They are benign but can be removed if bothersome. Ectropion is a normal condition where the glandular cellsthe ones that look like the lining of the uterusare prominent on the cervix. This can bleed easily if poked. In some [medical] centres, liquid nitrogen can be used to freeze the ectropion to prevent further bleeding.(Related: Everything You Need to Know About Vaginal Discharge)

Your levels of progesterone and estrogen are off-balance

The gynecologist says: Spotting can be a sign that hormone levels are off, but in most cases. It is normal for a small amount of spotting around ovulationtwo weeks before a period is duerelated to hormone changes. Women who find spotting to be a nuisance can talk to their doctor about options. The most common option is to try a birth control pill, which is progestin-dominant and will help stabilize the lining. Numerous studies have looked at supplements that can help control [hormone-related] spotting. Unfortunately, while small studies show promise, most large scale studies do not show benefit for vitamin B supplementation, vitamin C or iron.”(Related: Are Your Hormones Out of Control? Heres How to Deal)

Its your birth control pills

The gynecologist says: In any case where a woman experiences spotting on the pill, an IUD, either copper or hormonal, such as a Mirena, Kyleena of Jaydess, is a reasonable next option.(Related: Everything You Need to Know About the Arm Implant for Birth Control)

Youre pregnant

The gynecologist says: Some women may experience an implantation bleed once a pregnancy has taken hold. Any irregular period or bleeding warrants a pregnancy test. Implantation bleeds are also a common culprit when a woman finds out she is further along in her pregnancy than expectedthat bleed can be confused for a period.(Related: What You Need to Know if Youre Delaying Pregnancy During Covid)

You’re close to menopause

The gynecologist says: Menopause is a time of transition, which can start five to 10 years prior to periods stopping. Some women experience spotting because they arent releasing an egg each month, and so the body isnt going to have a normal period. Other women, as their hormone levels drop, may experience very light flow or spotting, as the lining of the uterus becomes dormant. In a healthy young woman, spotting is not a warning sign of menopause.”(Related: 9 Questions About Menopause Youve Been too Embarrassed to Ask)

So, now what?

If spotting is rare, and there are no red flags, then a visit to the doctor is probably not necessary,” says Costescu. “The occasional irregular period or episode of spotting is normalbut there are a few conditions associated with spotting that your doctor will want to rule out if you go.His advice? Look for patternswhen it happens and at what point in the cycle it occurs. Make note if you changed sexual partners, are taking new medication, or anything else in your lifestyle that is different and might affect what’s going on down there.

In summary:

1. In most cases, the occasional episode of spotting is nothing to worry about.
2. It is normal for some women to experience spotting at the beginning or tail end of a period.
3. Spotting is common in the first few months of use of any birth control, including pills and IUDs.
4. Beware of spotting that can be a warning sign for an STD, cervical cancer (spotting comes with pain), an infection (accompanied with fever or discharge), pregnancy, miscarriage or ectopic pregnancy.
5. Smoking increases the rate of spotting.

Next: The Honest, Expert-Backed Truth About Having Sex While on Your Period

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Good Vibes Only

This is not your typical vibrator. Its shaped like a tongue and designed to be used on any part of your body (erogenous or not). And it’s endlessly customizableyou can straddle it and grind for solo play, you can add pressure to up the ante on the sensation, and you can use it with a partner. (And in case you’re wondering, find out if a vibrator can desensitize you.)We-Vibe Touch X Rechargeable Clitoral Vibrator, $130, lovehoney.ca

Playtime

Playfulness is so important for relationships, says OReilly. Life doesnt have to be that serious; sex doesnt have to be that serious. She suggests keeping it fresh and introducing something new, like a toy or game, to your sex life.Turns out, theres a reason spanking can make you feel frisky: endorphins released can cause a type of euphoria. Try this holographic rainbow paddle, which is much more fun than a hand and just the thing to get you in a playful and flirty mood.Cosmo Bondage Holographic Rainbow Paddle, $29, bonjibon.comSex games can feel cornybut thats the point, says OReilly. The cheesiness of them can actually make you feel comfortable. They also help people with communication, and encourages you to set time aside and engage with your partner, she says.This board game from Lovehoney is like the adult version of truth or dare: It contains cards that ask players to answer a spicy question or dare them to do something sexual to their partner.Lovehoney Oh! Fantastic Foreplay Board Game, $40, lovehoney.ca

The Rub Down

Massages offer the opportunity to explore your partners body and melt into their touch for a sensual moment. The right massage oil can also elevate the mood with the right aromalike this one that smells like a ritzy night of strawberries and champagne. From Canadian brand High on Love, this product, which contains hemp seed oil, nourishes the skin and claims to stimulate circulation to boost energy for a bedroom romp.Sensual Massage Oil, $60, highonlove.caThis balm is designed to make the clitoris more responsive to touch, increasing your likelihood of the big O. Peppermint and other essential oils are intended to stimulate the nerve endings and promote blood flow for extra sensitivity to encourage an explosive finish.Lovehoney Bliss Orgasm Balm, $17, lovehoney.ca

Get Boosted

Sex pillows can make it easier for you to reach your G-spot and make tricky positions more comfortable. Plus, theyre invaluable for people with mobility issuessex pillows allow you to modify your favourite position and take the pressure off of your joints, support your hips and back and allow for a greater range of motion to make sex sexy, not painful.This pillow from Brooklyn-based company Dame comes with a cotton shell and soft foam interior that provides just the right amount of support and comfort. Bonus: When youre not using it to get the perfect angle, the pillow seamlessly blends into the rest of your bedroom.Pillo, US $95, dame.comThis firm pillow option from Liberator supports two bodies during playtime and comes with a non-slip, easy-to-clean soft velvet cover. The best part: The cushion includes a toy slot that holds your favourite dildo or vibrator in place for hands-free fun.Liberator BonBon Toy Mount, $150, lovehoney.ca

Frisky Business

A stroker is made to be wrapped around the penis to add extra sensations as you stroke it. This silicone version is easy-to-clean, stretches to fit most sizes and has two different textures for different feelings.Arcwave Ghost Silicone Reusable Reversible Textured Male Stroker, $25, lovehoney.caTuck this discrete, versatile vibrator between two fingers to add a little something extra to a touch. The toys three speeds heighten the experience of using your fingers for pleasure and can be used with a partner or on your own.Fin by Dame, $115, bonjibon.com

Wet n Wild

Even if youre turned on, your bodys natural lubricant might just not be enough. Sometimes you need a little help.Lubricants generally fall into two categories: water-based and silicone-based. Water-based lubes are more viscous and rinse away more easily, says OReilly. Theyre typically recommended for use with a silicone toy to keep it in good shape. Silicone-based lubes are thicker, slicker and last longer during sex. Theyre great for shower or bath play, since they dont rinse away easily. Silicone-based lubes are also recommended for those who are perimenopausal or postmenopausal and are dealing with vaginal dryness because of their long-lasting slickness.Maude Shine Organic Personal Lubricant, $34, chapters.indigo.caLovehoney Enjoy Water-Based Lubricant, $20, lovehoney.caDame Alu Water-Based Lubricant, $25, chapters.indigo.caUberlube Silicone Lube, $25, bonjibon.com

Take Cover

Condoms from Canadian brand Jems are lubricated with silicone for a frictionless experience. Theyre made without potentially harmful ingredients like parabens and paraffins to keep your goods healthy.Jems Condoms – 12 Pack, $15, jemsforall.comSkyn condoms are made with the brands proprietary non-latex material that feels like there isnt a condom on, making them ideal for those allergic to latex.Skyn Original Condoms 12 count/pack, $14, well.caDoes size matter? It might when it comes to condoms: Ill-fitting ones can cause slippage, erection loss and discomfort, but the company MyOne is solving that. With 66 different sizes, MyOne claims to have the perfect rubber for everyonenot too tight, saggy or big.MyOne Perfect Fit Condoms, see website for $18, myonecondoms.co.uk

The Come Down

Yes, post-sex blues (A.K.A post-coital dysphoria) are real. They stem from the rush and sudden comedown of pleasure. Keep those happy hormones by spending a little more intimate time with your partner.This candle, as its name suggests, will help you relax like its Sunday morning. It boasts calming scents including lavender, apricot and sandalwood that smell like breakfast in bed.Mala Sundays, $38, malathebrand.comSpend time making your honey feel good by working out their kinksin their back, that iswith this oil. Its made without synthetic fragrance (to avoid irritating sensitive skin or causing migraines) and contains only certified organic plant ingredients.Province Apothecary Sex Oil, $22, provinceapothecary.comNext: The Absolute Best Sex Position, According to Experts

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So, where do we start?

Begin by facing each other and gazing into each other’s eyes with your clothes on. Focus on one of your partner’s eyes; this keeps you intimately exposed. (Some people look back and forth between the two eyes to reduce the tension, but I think that’s cheating!) Eyes are windows to the soul.Make sure you’re breathing the right way (yes, there’s a wrong way). Next, synchronize your breathing with your partner’s: Breathe in together, exhale together. Then move into breath exchange: You inhale when he exhales, then exhale when he inhales, as though you’re breathing each other in. Practice this for at least 10 minutes.(Related: Samantha Bitty Knows Good Sexand Wants You to Know It, Too)

Then what? What does tantric sex for beginners look like?

To take this into sexual Tantra, try the same process but with clothes off. Sit on your partner’s lap, and wrap your legs around their waist. Do the breath exchange, but move into kissing and caressing. In time, begin slow intercourse, but continue caressing and kissing. Keep eye contact.Here is where things get interesting; as you become more proficient, you can develop the ability for prolonged orgasm. For both women and men, this is a variation on multiple orgasms; you remain at the peak of ecstatic pleasure without climaxing. There are all the feelings of a typical orgasm, but it lasts for many minutes (or even hours), without a traditional orgasm. This leads to profound sexual and emotional merging.

Why should I try tantric sex?

In our over-scheduled lives, we rarely stop and intently focus on our partner. Practicing tantric sex can enhance your relationship and your sexual pleasure in several ways. First, emphasizing breath and connection creates a deep level of intimate contact. This alone can open your heart to feeling closer, more loving and more forgiving.Second, the slow pace of tantric sex will allow you to explore the sensual range of your bodies and minds. Making love for an hour or more is like turning a fast-food meal into an epicurean feast. Both will satisfy your hunger, but the feast brings you more pleasure, delight and profound satisfaction.Lastly, while you may balk at the idea of avoiding climaxing, these practices can help you both develop sexual ecstasy and connectedness far beyond that of a typical orgasm. If you feel that you need help getting in the mood, try these libido boosters.Cheryl Fraser, Ph.D., is a psychologist and sex therapist who lives in Duncan, B.C. She teaches a couples’ workshop, the Awakened Lover Weekend.Next: Are There Different Types of Orgasms? What Sex Experts Say

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Now, Pines is 49 and shes back on the pill, this time to help with heavy, erratic periods, hot flashes and night sweats. Despite her prior experience, Pines was willing to try the pill again because her perimenopause symptoms were so disruptive. On top of her physical symptoms, Piness mental health was declining, too. Plus, she remembers how awful menopause was for her mom. That was my biggest fear. I was like, I cant go through that. She was such a terrible person to be around.

Piness doctor prescribed her a low-dose birth control pill. But after just six months, Pines was feeling extremely anxiousand wasnt getting much relief from her other symptoms. So, she did what many people with a health problem do: She turned to Google. I had a really hard time finding anything about [anxiety and the pill], but some people on Reddit said they were also experiencing anxiety, she recalls. She went back to her doctor and got on a different brand. And while the new pill is now providing some relief, she finds herself experiencing breakthrough bleeding and severe migraines every six weeks. The anxiety hasnt let up. She plans to ask her doctor for a non-pill alternative soon.

Unfortunately, Piness experience isnt uncommon. Mood-related issues like anxiety and depression are all too familiar to people on the pill. The thing is, its extremely safe and, when taken correctly, spectacularly effective at preventing pregnancyfactors that might help to explain why mood changes are brushed off as unimportant or not real.

The pill has been around now for so long, its one of the most researched medications, says Cynthia Graham, a professor of sexual and reproductive health at the University of Southampton in the U.K. Its the behavioural effects, how people feel, that were lacking research in. More extensive research is imperative: Several recent studies have shown that hormonal contraceptive users have higher rates of depression, anxiety, fatigue, sexual disturbances and anger. They confirm what Pines and many other women experience. But compared to the efficacy and physical safety of the pill, cognitive and sexual side effects often arent taken seriously, says Graham, even though theyre one of the biggest predictors of quitting the pill.

Since the pill was first made legal, weve witnessed how much better the world is when people have access to safe and effective birth control. And yet, despite its long history, we still dont know much about the pills effects on mental health, mood and libido. How, more than 60 years on, is that possibleand how can we make the pill even better?

—

The pill is the most popular form of hormonal contraceptive in Canada: About three-quarters of Canadian women have taken it at some point in their life and, globally, 151 million people are on the pill. Its popularity can be attributed to its effectiveness: When used perfectly, its 99 percent effective, and even with imperfect use, efficacy still hovers around 91 percent. And despite the rise of newer hormonal contraceptive options like IUDs, the patch and the implant, which are also highly effective, the pill is still very popular, especially for young people. In Canada, about 30 percent of teens between the ages of 15 to 19 are on the pill.

Its called birth control, but many people are prescribed the pill for non-contraceptive reasons. A 2011 study found that more than half (58 percent) of pill users dont use it exclusively to prevent pregnancy. The same study found that the most common non-contraceptive reasons for going on the pill are menstrual regulation, reducing cramps or menstrual pain, alleviating acne and treating endometriosis. And there are more benefitsthe pill can even reduce the risk of uterine and ovarian cancers and prevent the development of breast cysts.

Of course, there are downsides. Nuisance side effects like breast tenderness (which makes running even more painful) and spotting (RIP cute underwear) are quite common, especially when you first get on the pill. And then there are the rare and potentially fatal side effects, like blood clots: 10 in 10,000 people will develop them as a result of being on the pill.

In the 60s, when the first pills were being developed, they contained high doses of estrogen, which is associated with ischemic stroke and heart disease, explains Ashley Waddington, an associate professor of obstetrics and gynecology at Queens University in Kingston, Ontario. The first brand on the market had 10,000 micrograms of progestin and 150 micrograms of estrogen; today, all the pills available in Canada are considered low-dose, meaning they contain 35 micrograms or less of estrogenand even lower doses are being experimented with right now. Adjusting doses and getting into these really ultra-low-dose estrogen pills is a trend were seeing, says Waddington.

Newer forms of estrogen that may be safer for blood clotting risks, like estradiol and estradiol valerate, are also hitting the market. Its an interesting and exciting development in birth control, Waddington says. For the last 60 years, the pills that were available all contained some dose of the same estrogen, and now were seeing different types of estrogen, which may bring in different side effect profiles.

Waddington also points to improved progestin-only pills (also called the mini-pill) as another innovation. Without the estrogen, theres less risk of clotting or cardiovascular problems, but they need to be taken within the same, precise three-hour window every day to be effective. A new progestin-only pill now available in Canada, Slynd, offers a different progestin and dosage than the mini-pill, which makes it safe but more forgiving (if you miss it by a couple of hours, itll still be effective). I think we might see a shift towards more people going directly to a progesterone-only pill and not taking the risks associated with estrogen, Waddington says.

Theres been great innovation to improve the physiological side effects of the pill, so why hasnt there been more action to address the mood-related ones? Given the long history of reproductive injustice and the struggle for accessible birth control, some might argue that looking for problems with the pill could come off as anti-pill, anti-feminist or anti-choice. Especially when the problems are, well, not fatal.

Contraceptives (and, in turn, reproductive choices) dont improve if no one thinks they need to be better, says Rebecca Sullivan, a professor at the University of Calgary who specializes in gender and sexual politics and culture. But arguing that theres something wrong with the pill feels fraught, especially as the U.S. strips away federal protections for abortions and puts access to contraceptives on the line. The thought of losing access to the pill is terrifying, says Sullivan, and rightly so.

According to Tory Eisenlohr-Moul, an assistant professor of psychiatry at the University of Illinois at Chicago who studies sensitivities to hormonal shifts, another reason why theres a lack of research in mood and libido effects from oral contraceptives is the separation between gynecology and psychiatry as medical practices. The people who develop the pills are usually gynecologists and researchers focused on physical health outcomes like blood clots or cholesterol problems, she says. To my knowledge, theres no scientific group working on a new birth control method thats better for mood.

And when it comes to the sexual side effects of the pill, theres been even less work done. In an editorial written for BMJ, Graham notes that sexual side effects have been deemed extremely difficult to assess and described in the literature as trivial or a nuisance. Later in the article, Graham writes that one of the most consistent findings has been how varied peoples experiences on the pill aresome show increased libido, some show a decrease and others show no change. It will not be easy to establish whether, how and in whom the pill produces adverse sexual effects; carefully planned, adequately funded research is needed, she concludes. But as the ultimate value of a contraceptive method depends on its acceptability and usage, it is important that it is done.

—

When the pill was first legalized in the 60s, it underwent a small number of randomized, placebo-controlled trials (the gold standard for medical research) on its effects on mood and sexuality. These allowed researchers to rule out the placebo effect (thinking that a medication is affecting you even if youre taking a sugar pill), which can skew the results of a trialespecially when researching something as hard to quantify as mood and libido. However, according to Graham, most of the pill research conducted now is in the form of cross-sectional studies. These compare those who are on the pill to those who arent, but dont account for the fact that established, long-time pill-users are generally happy on it, which can skew the results in a positive direction. Plus, funding in this area is woefully lacking, says Graham, who has done research on the pill and how it affects users libido and mood. Long studies that follow users are expensive and difficult to conduct. And no one seems to want to invest the time or money.

People who do take the pill, however, are deeply invested in the matter. According to Graham, finding willing study participants has never been a challenge. I remember some women saying that they didnt want [to be paid]. They wanted the money to be put back into research, she says. They said they wanted their daughters to have more options.

Of course, the lack of funding and support for this kind of research is symptomatic of a health-care system that overlooks anyone who isnt cis, white, straight and male. For decades, women were excluded from clinical trials. The FDA in the U.S. even issued a guideline in 1977 that recommended excluding most women of childbearing potential from participating in phase I and early phase II drug research trials. Theres far less representation in clinical trials if youre not whiteeven today.

Theres also the lack of women in the pharmaceutical and medical fields. We continue to have a largely male-dominated industry and government where this just isnt a priority, says Sullivan. There are a whole bunch of factors that make it difficult to impossible to have a sustainable, flourishing research career coming up with a contraceptive that is safer and even more effective.

Laura Symul, a postdoctoral fellow who studies cycle-related symptoms at Stanford Universitys department of statisticsoften using data from cycle tracking appspoints to a lack of female lab directors, hospital CEOs and heads of clinical research as factors behind the lack of data. Those who are guiding the research, she says, dont have first-hand experience with [birth control].

Structural issues within medical research circles also move careers in particular directions. For researchers to gain promotions and salary raises and to continue to have a thriving career, they need to bring in their own fundingleading to acute pressure to secure that funding. Often, this means going after designated grants even if theyre not totally interested in the topic. Then, once a researcher does gets their foot in the door, they can fall into a pattern of pursuing similar research topics to secure more funding, sending them down a particular research and career route while their interests fall to the wayside. So, topics that arent popular, or for which there isnt express interest from others higher up, dont get investigated.

Then there are the social mores around birth control. People are still uncomfortable, says Waddington, with the idea that women can have total control over their fertility. Many still believe that it should be left up to fate or left up to God, she explains. And such moralizing about fertility can mean that advances in reproductive health become subject to questions of ethicsrather than of medicine. It just doesnt exist in other disciplines, Waddington says. Like, when somebody sees their endocrinologist about diabetes, they dont have a whole discussion about whether or not its ethical to treat it.

Lately, theres been more scientific attention paid to the ways that hormones affect mental health. A randomized study out of Sweden used brain imaging to study the hormone levels and depressive symptoms of healthy women who had previously experienced negative effects related to oral contraceptives. The researchers found a causal link between the administration of synthetic hormones and connectivity in the salience network (as in, the parts of our brain that detect significant stimuli and the integration of sensory, emotional and cognitive processes). Theres also a study out of Denmark that looked at more than 1 million Danish women and found that being on the pill was associated with a diagnosis of depression. At the University of British Columbia, Frances Chen is researching how being on the pill as a teenager might lead to a higher risk of developing MDD (major depressive disorder). While this research is still preliminary, studying the links between hormones and mental health generally will lay the groundwork for a pill designed to avoid detrimental mental health side effects.

The recent growth of personalized medications, especially customized hormone therapy to treat menopause symptoms, might also point to developments for contraceptives.Another major gap in contraceptive research is the inability to figure out how someone will react to the pill: Finding the right pill for you comes down to the imperfect science of trial and error. Its common for people to try two or three brands before settling on one that works. The big problem that we have is that we cant predict which women are going to respond in which way [to the pill], says Graham. That to me is striking after 60 years.

However, Waddington notes, there are already so many formulations and brands out there that compounded and customized birth control pills wont likely be coming to a pharmacy near you. Eisenkohr-Moul in Chicago reiterates that the companies working on [birth controls] tend to focus more on secondary health effects like blood clots and lipidsnot on mood.

Stanfords Symul says that research and development on new birth control pills and formulations is underway, but its been slow going. There are start-ups working on very innovative birth controls that arent hormonal, but research takes a long time, she explains. There hasnt been as much money or top-down approaches or a consortium working on this, says Symul. Its a lot of people trying to make their own research move forward.

—

While scientists are working to develop better birth control pills, especially ones that have fewer negative effects on mood and mental health, theres still a long way to go. In the meantime, the pill continues to be popular, both as a contraceptive and as a therapeutic for a number of painful ailments. Its still an important pillar of reproductive health.

Now, more than ever, the conversation around reproductive justice and increasing safe options is vital. We dont just need a pill thats safe and effectivethat should be the bare minimum. We need a pill that makes us feel good. Or, at least, makes us feel like ourselves.

Yes, pills are used to prevent pregnancy, but theyre also used because people want to have sex, says Graham. So if you have really bad side effects from the pill, including a loss of libidowell, as a patient once said to me, it defeats the entire purpose.

Next:What’s the Best Way to Switch Birth Control Pills?

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What is the connection between mindfulness and better sex?

The connection is strong. In order to understand why it works, we need to take a step back and understand what the main contributors are to sexual problems. We know that distraction, judgment, irrational thoughts, preoccupations, catastrophizing, spectatoring, all of these concepts have been shown to contribute to sexual difficulties, especially low desire. And mindfulness, which really boils down to present-moment, non-judgmental awareness, is quite a simple set of skills that addresses every single one of those potential barriers that impede sexual desire. In our science, weve evaluated that. Weve been able to demonstrate not only that mindfulness works, but that the improvements people see are lasting. A year later, people are still practicing the skills and still benefiting from them.

There is this pervasive myth that sex needs to be spontaneous and thrilling and, like, rip your clothes off all the time. But your research shows that good sex takes effort. How do we let people know that effort is sexy as well?

I often say, Think about anything thats meaningful and important to you, that was not planned. There are probably very few wonderful events that were totally spontaneous. People can easily relate to that. Theyre like, Yeah, I planned that dinner party, I planned that vacation. You can also plan foreplay, you can plan the fantasies that youre having while leading up to the sexual encounter, so that youre not kind of jumping into the cold water fully dressed. Youre slowly kindling the fire by eliciting some erotic scenes in your mind. We really want to normalize planning, but also talk about it in a very pro-sexy way as well.

You acknowledge that some people may be skeptical about the concept of mindfulness, and thats quite all right. How do you allay those concerns?

Ill give you an example. We started running our mindfulness groups for women with vulvo-vaginal painone in five women have chronic burning, stinging sensations with any kind of vaginal penetration. When we first started introducing mindfulness to that groupbecause theres a whole literature on mindfulness for painthe women were really skeptical. Its because they had been led to believe that there was some injury, there was some irritation or infection at the vulva and vagina that was causing their pain. It makes sense that they would think this, because their doctors would dismiss them. We presented them with actual scientific studies that showed that, number one, all chronic pains are maintained in the brain, and, number two, that mindfulness changes the brain. If we can change the brain and change the pain centres of the brain, it should have this downstream effect of improving vulvar pain as well. The way we address the skepticism is science.

We live in such an incredibly stressful world right now. How do you convince women that its okay for them to take time every day to do their mindfulness practice?

Im going to sound like a broken record, but it really comes back to the science. Originally, when mindfulness was being evaluated back in the late 1970s and early 1980s, it was always in the context of these comprehensive, eight-week practices, at least an hour a day, or seven hours of walking mindfully through a forest. Theres been a lot more research since then, showing that even 10 minutes a day can produce structural and functional changes in the brain that allow us to really benefit from mindfulness. We know that multitasking actually leads us to be less efficient. It leads us to take less pleasure in the things that were doing and make more mistakes. By investing a short amount of time in mindfulness, were actually saving time in other areas of our day.

Weve all just come through two years of Zoom fatigue and trying to get our kids through school. What effect has the pandemic had on peoples libidos?

Some of the early speculation in April 2020 was that wed see a baby boom. Because, of course, no one had anything else to do but stay home and have sex with their partners. We had all this extra time on our hands. When we studied it, and we followed people over time, we found the opposite. Every other study found the opposite as well. Desire went down, sexual activity went down. The only thing that went up was masturbation. Probably it was a coping mechanism, a way to feel some brief moments of pleasure in an otherwise dismal life stage.

Do you get the sense that everybody feels like other people are having more and better sex than they are?

Its more than a sense, because I have patients tell me that constantly. They think theyre the only one that struggles with this. Ill say, Have you really asked other people? And theyll say, No, I havent asked. But I can tell by looking at them, the way they hold hands, theyre having tons of sex.

We tend to think that desire must come first, and arousal will follow. But you challenge that thinking. How are arousal and desire related?

We know from scientific studies that the direction of arousal first and then desire is far more common than we previously thought. Its far more common in longer-term relationships, where we might agree to sexual activity for non-sexual reasons. Its our anniversary, or I want to feel close, I want to say thank you, I want to get rid of my headache, what have you. In the encounters, as long as the kinds of stimulation and exchanges are right for her, and right in a way that elicits her arousal if she continues to focus and stay present, that can give way to a wanting. She probably feels the wanting well into the encounter, even if she doesnt feel it at the outset. That message, that kind of normalization of feeling neutral at the outset, is really important because so many women feel broken when they dont feel horny.

You write that one-third of women struggle with low or declining desire. Is this low desire a problem for everyone who experiences it?

No, its not. Thats a really important question. If youre going through a stressful period you might say, Im not interested in sex. Im recovering from surgery, or Im tending to an ill partner, or I have a major stressful life event happening. Its a smaller proportion of those with low desire who experience distress. And even in distress, we need to be careful because sometimes its the partners distress. To qualify for a disorder, one needs to have the symptom of low desire, combined with clinically significant personal distress.

Part of mindfulness is an acceptance of all emotions, whether positive or negative. Tell us about the metaphor of the guest house, which you use to explain this process.

Women have a really hard time admitting that they feel angerlike theres something really wrong with us if we if we feel angry or irritable or irritated. The mindfulness approach shows that our effort to get rid of anger and emotions like that creates a lot of suffering that then harms us. The Guest House is a translated poem by the Persian poet Rumi. It talks about inviting all the guests, because some of them might be clearing you out for some future delight. Its in the acceptance of emotions that suffering starts to fade.

There are lots of myths out there regarding menopause and sex. What are some of those myths?

That sex ends with menopause. That menopause depletes you of all your hormones, which it doesntduring the up to 10 years of perimenopause, there are actually fluctuating levels of estrogen. That aging women cant initiate sex. That if you dont have a partner, youre asexual. That young people are sexually promiscuous and have no sexual problems. I could go on and on.

Why is good sex important for mental and physical health?

The World Health Organization has declared that sexual health is a component of quality of life. Now, if youre an asexual person, this is not going to be relevant, because asexual people just dont have sexual interest at all and are totally fine with it. Removing asexuals from that group, sexual health can directly contribute to self esteem, to physical health, to relationship satisfaction. All of that has been supported by a lot of science. When sexual health is not going well, it can also directly contribute to relationship conflict, depression, anxiety, and stress. Sexual health and general health and quality of life are tightly intertwined.Next: What Exactly Is Tantric Sex, and Should I Try It with My Partner?

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Why is it important to test for cervical cancer every three years, and not more often?

A Pap test is a screeningmeaning its done when there are no symptoms present. We use it to look for changes in the cells that could potentially lead to cancer. The fortunate thing about cervical cancer is that its a very slow-growing condition. So we have to balance finding precancerous lesions while not over-calling benign lesions that may look a little funny but that, if we gave them time, would actually resolve. What weve found over the years is that by extending the interval from two years to three, we reduce the rate of false positives, so we dont send women for unnecessary follow-up procedures.

Why can the cervix screening in your pilot be done at home but a Pap smear cant?

With the Pap, women have to undergo a pelvic examination so the practitioner can see the cervix to get the cells. In contrast, the HPV test can be collected by women themselves because the sample does not have to come from a specific part of their anatomy, but rather from vaginal secretions.

How else does cervix screening differ from a Pap test?

Unlike Pap tests, cervix screenings check for HPV specifically. Like pap tests, HPV testing is recommended every three years. But well soon be able to extend that interval to five years because the HPV test is even better than Pap tests at detecting the potential of developing precancerous and cancerous lesions. When someone has a negative HPV test, we can be confident that, in the next five years, its very unlikely they will develop any precancerous lesions. We have very good evidence that, even with the extended screening interval, HPV testing performed better than Pap smears, thereby limiting iatrogenesis illness, which is an illness caused by the health system.

How do women conduct the test themselves, exactly?

Its like putting in a tamponinsert the cotton swab, twirl it around, get secretion on it, take it out, put it in a container, mail it in, and its examined by a lab.

Are there any risks involved with an at-home cervix screening? Is it possible to do it incorrectly?

Women can do this very safely, they can do very accurately. Its also been rolled out in places like Australia and Wales, so we have even more proof that it works.

What happens if the test comes back positive?

Were doing this screening to get women who are positive into treatment. If someones positive, they would go for a follow-up Pap smear, because that helps us understand whether the HPV has progressed. Alternatively, if they have a certain HPV, like types 16 or 18, they would go right to treatment because we know those HPV infections are very likely to progress to precancerous lesions. Treatment for those would include a colposcopy exam, where a practitioner examines the cervix, looks to see if theres anything concerning, and, if there is, they remove that tissue.

Would a Pap smear ever be preferred over an at-home cervix screening?

Some folks will choose to go to a practitioner because they want a full genital examination. Or maybe they see something theyre worried aboutlesions, bleeding, abnormal discharge. For anything like that, you should always see a practitioner.

A common misconception is that Pap smears also test for ovarian cancer and sexually transmitted infections. Is there concern that, by limiting the need for women to visit their doctor, cases are being missed?

All the important things that happen during a practitioner examsay, STI testing or reminder about mammogramsstill need to happen. You still need your check-ups, and if youre sexually active, you still need your STI screenings.

Is there a timeline for when the at-home test will be the standard for cervical cancer screening and available across Canada?

Were first committed to spreading information so people understand this can be done safely and effectively. In B.C., were going to continue to expand and offer it and then summarize the data. Then, hopefully, we can use that to inform our provincial policy and to urge other provinces to move forward.This interview has been edited and condensed for clarity.Next: This Canadian Company Made Pregnancy and Ovulation Tests So Much Better

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Discussing period sex can be awkward. Any advice for broaching the topic?

Start before things get steamy.”Try having a conversation outside of sex and of your period to get a sense of what their take on period sex is. It may be a non-issue or you may discover it’s a solid ‘nope.’ But this conversation can be a lovely opener into all kinds of non-vulva or non-penetrative-focused sexual pleasure that is possible, says Matatas.Its also totally OK to not want to have sex while on your period. And to be clear, not being in the mood does not mean you are obligated to perform oral sex on your partner.But many people do experience more horniness during their period due to hormonal changes, says Matatas. Those changes include, for a cisgender woman, a rise in estrogen levels, which Matatas explains can make it easier to reach orgasm and experience greater sensitivity. What’s not to love?

OK, so how does having sex on your period work?

Period sex functions exactly like regular sex, with this wonderful plus: you’ll have more and natural lubrication due to the menstrual blood. Although you might want to protect your sheets or wherever you decide to hook-up. More on that below.

Right, isnt period sex super messy?

Absolutely, one cannot wax poetic about period sex without addressing the sheer messiness of it all. Because yes, it gets wet, it gets bloody and it gets potentially everywhere. But there are ways to take cover. If you want to keep the focus on stimulating the clitoris, for example, you can wear a tampon, tampon sponge or menstrual cup (ones that are particularly comfortable during penetration include SoftDiscs or Ziggy Cups). For lighter blood flow, you can also try using internal condoms, also called female condoms.Otherwise, dark towels are your friend. Some people have a jerk-off towel, why can’t you have a period towel? You can also put down disposable incontinent pads, a mattress protector or waterproof sex blankets (like this one or this one), which are also called “squirt sheets.”(Related: We Tried Knixs Super Leakproof Period Underwear)

Can you have unprotected sex while your period?

The answer here is the same whether youre on your period or not. Because like other bodily fluids (e.g. semen, vaginal fluids), blood can transmit sexually transmitted infections (STIs)so using a condom is still important.Dr. Christine Derzko, a physician at St. Michaels Hospital and a professor of obstetrics and gynecology at the University of Toronto, says simply, Its not wise. Why? Because rarely but sometimesthere is enough estrogen and therefore cervical mucus there to nourish sperm and give them a place to survive until ovulation. Its also easier to pick up an STI during your period.(Related: Sex After 40: The Shocking Truth No One Talks About)

Wait, is it possible to get pregnant from period sex?

Pregnancy is totally possible (though less of a risk during menstruation) as sperm can still easily find a warm home as Derzko noted above. If getting pregnant is not of interest, other than condoms, you can also turn to birth control, dental dams and gloves.

Can having sex affect your period? For instance, does having sex on your period make you bleed more?

Its complicated. Male or female orgasmic release can change your cycle’s bleeding via a rise in prostaglandins (lipid compounds that are found in human tissue and have hormone-esque effects), which are involved both in coagulation and in cramping, says Derzko. That can lead to potentially less bleeding, more or less cramps, while the female orgasm can relieve some of those cramps.

So, sex can affect your period cramps?

Yes. In fact, many experts consider this one of the major potential benefits of period sex. Because an orgasm can release those kinds of chemicalsoxytocin, dopamine, endorphinsthat make you feel happy, period sex can also ease the pain of cramping, and that is a true win.However, not everyone agrees. Dr. Gail E. Robinson, a physician at Torontos Sunnybrook Health Sciences Centre, says the belief that sex can ease any kind of period pain is nothing more than “an old wives’ tale.” It seems more than a few things when it comes to womens health are still up for debate, but the divisiveness here might be all the more reason to experiment. Wink wink.

Will having period sex postpone your period?

No, period sex won’t delay your menstrual cycle, unless of course you get pregnant, in which case…yes, by about nine months.Robinson explains, When your period begins and ends has nothing to do with sex. Your period is determined by chemicals that are secreted from an area of your brain, go down to your ovaries, tell your ovaries to start producing an egg, then the system goes back to your brain and it tells different chemicals to come out and tells that egg to be released.(Related: Can Cannabis Help Kick-Start My Sex Drive?)

Is it possible to have better sex on your period?

Blood can be quite beautifulsexy evenif you let it.”You can eroticize your period,” says Matatas. “We do it with jizz through facials and body shots, but blood can be that way, too.”For example, she says, here are some things you can do while having sex on your period that you cant at other times of the month: body blood stamping, which can be a part of primal play or dominance and submission. Or watch menstruation together in the mirror while masturbating or touching each other and possibly discover a new sensual element together.If and when you do give it a shot, it’s worth remembering: regular sex is super messy with sweat, sperm, discharge and even breast milk in some bedrooms. Fluids are our friends, not something worth taking an entire seven days off.Next: Samantha Bitty Knows Good Sex (and Wants You to Know It, Too)

The post The Honest, Expert-Backed Truth About Having Sex While on Your Period appeared first on Best Health.

Lovehoney X ROMP Switch Clitoral Suction Stimulator

$40, lovehoney.ca

Your solo time just got spicier: This clitoral stimulator features six intensity levels to explore and enjoy and boasts a whisper-quiet motor for your under-cover pleasure. It also boasts a soft silicone head that feels soft and supple on skin.

Vibratex Original Magic Wand

$75, amazon.ca.This is the classic of the “power toys” genre and is known for its durability and quality, Queen says, adding that there is a rechargeable, cordless version, as well. “I like to suggest vibrators for a couple of reasons: they can be used on many parts of the body, they provide a kind of stimulation you can’t get in other ways, and they tend to help people orgasm,” she says.

Apollo Max Masturbation Penis Sleeve

$20, amazon.ca.

This adjustable and reversible toy fits like a “sleeve” over the penis, allowing for a “gourmet” hand job, Queen says.

VibeMax Mini Wand

$30, amazon.ca.

If you like the “wand” style but prefer something a little more compact, this mini version is a good option.

Aneros Helix Trident

$75, lovehoney.ca.

Aneros makes a line of prostate stimulatorsthe Trident model is a best sellerthat are known for their quality. They’re designed by a doctor with a very loyal following and the company offers lots of online support to get the best experience, Queen says.

Next: Why Squirting Orgasms Are a (Really) Good ThingAnd How to Have One

The post What to Know About Sex Toys and 5 Inexpensive Options Worth Trying appeared first on Best Health.

Whats a normal vaginal smell?

According to Dr. Carolin Klein, director of Vancouver’s West Coast Centre for Sex Therapy, your vagina isnt supposed to have a particular scent.”This question is like asking what your skin is ‘supposed’ to smell like,” she says. “The smell will vary from person to person. Unless something is wrong, the smell will be mild.”Turns out, this information has been available to us for decades: A study conducted in 1975 looked at 90 samples of vaginal secretions from 10 women at varying times and found each vagina is complex, highly individual in odour.”Its much easier to answer what our vagina is not supposed to smell like, says Dr. Klein. A fishy or musty scent is usually a sign of changes to vaginal bacteria, which can be due to a variety of medical conditions, and should be discussed with a doctor.

Why does my vagina smell?

Vaginal bacteria is called lactobacilli, and it’s a healthy kind of bacteria that produces lactic acid, which kills or reduces growth of harmful bacteria. When lactobacilli and, therefore, lactic acid, dropwhich can be due to menstruation, stress or hormonal changesodour-producing bacteria rise, which isnt necessarily cause for caution, unless the change is sudden and strong. Other common issues such as bacterial vaginosis, trichomoniasis, a retained tampon and incontinence can also impact the balance of vaginal bacteria.”When we notice changes in our bodies, including smell, they can deliver important messages about our health and wellbeing,” says Tracey Jastinder Mann, a Toronto-based psychotherapist. “Sometimes our bodies change as we might be moving through our cycle, or experiencing stress or changes in our health that can change our odours. All of this is normal and a part of our body’s messaging.”

What can I do about a vaginal odour?

Well, first of all, don’t go running to the store for a pineapple, because, as Dr. Klein says, the idea that eating it will help you smell better down there is nothing but a myth.”It is actually impossible for the foods we eat to directly impact vaginal smell,” she says. “For a food to impact the vagina, it would have to be so potent that it survives the digestive process and makes it to the vagina. But very little fluid from the bloodstream makes its way to there anyway. And if a food ever were that potent, then it wouldnt just show up in terms of the smell of the vaginait would affect the smell of your whole body!”The best solutionas with most health-related concernsis to visit your doctor. Most “smells” are normal and attempting to fix them by using things like vaginal wipes and soaps can actually cause more vaginal odour by negatively impacting the healthy bacteria in the vagina. And besides, science shows the vaginal cleaning products industry is more interested in cashing in rather than keeping you healthy.

How can I safely wash my vagina?

The vagina and the vaginal opening do not need to be washed. What you should washand wash regularlyare the labia majora (the outer, hair-bearing lips), the mons pubis (or pubic mound, which is the mount of fatty tissue over the pubic bone and typically covered by hair) and around the anus, says Dr. Klein. And don’t bother with any fancy cleaning products or even soap, which can leave you dry or irritated. Instead, opt for a fragrance-free cleanser.

Why am I still worried about smelling unpleasant?

We know the society we live in is a patriarchal one, in which womens bodies are constantly scrutinised. That makes it easier to believe the myth that basic and normal changes in smell mean there is something wrong with our bodies, says Mann. “If we internalize these narratives, we can feel shame around changes in our bodies,” she adds.Heres the truth: Research shows that vaginal smell can actually be arousing because everyones is unique, says Mann. It can inspire connection and familiarity.Instead of feeling shame, try to take inspiration from Ms. Paltrow, who defined her vagina candle as “funny, gorgeous, sexy, and beautifully unexpected,” for a mood that exudes “fantasy, seduction, and a sophisticated warmth.” That’s an idea worth celebratingand you don’t have to spend $98 to do it.Next: Why Squirting Orgasms Are a (Really) Good ThingAnd How to Have One

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1. Masturbation relieves stress

If stress is starting to pile up, it might be smart to take a time-out. Masturbation allows you to focus on one thing, Golden says, which can help you relax. “As we think about sex in any form, dopamine, a chemical released by the brain that gives us a sense of pleasure, is released,” she explains. “As we engage in sexual activity, another chemical, endorphins, is released. Endorphins give us a sense of well-being.” Just be careful not to rely on masturbation as an escape from stress, Golden adds, because it’s through that reliance that an addiction can form. But the occasional solo roll in the hay can help make a bad day a little (or a lot) better.

2. Masturbation eases menstrual cramps

That particular time of the month is not usually associated with feeling good, but masturbation can actually help make the worst of it more endurable. “The strength and intensity of an orgasm can relieve cramps,” says Golden. “And the hormones released during sexual excitement can also help.” But remember that it’s not necessarily the same for everyone. “Sometimes the muscle contractions can also intensify the cramping feeling,” Golden warns. Experiment, listen to your body and do what feels right for you.

3. Masturbation puts you in touch with your sexuality

If you’ve never understood why everyone makes such a big deal about sex, this might be a good place to start. “Sex therapists strongly recommend that women who have not had an orgasm begin by pleasuring themselves,” says Golden. “This puts them in touch with the genital pleasure that they like.” The safe, controlled situation allows women to determine not only what they enjoy, but also what they may have feared.

4. Masturbation can help you achieve orgasm during intercourse

If you find it difficult to achieve sexual satisfaction with a partner, you should first work on finding it on your own. “Regular masturbation will teach you how your body responds sexually,” explains Golden. Being able to communicate your findings to a partner will allow him or her to please you in the way that works for you. However, Golden does warn that the way you masturbate can work against this goal. “If there is excessive reliance on pornography, or if masturbation is done with rough materials or face down on a surface, it becomes harder to duplicate this with a partner.”

5. Masturbation keeps your motor running

Golden confirms our worst fear: “The old expression, ‘if you don’t use it, you lose it,’ is actually true.” In the end, it comes down to a simple bit of science. “In order to be able to function sexually we need a supply of nitric oxide in our blood. Sexual activity in any form maintains levels of this chemical,” she explains. A prolonged dry spell can make it more difficult to achieve erections or lubrication. But if it’s been a while, fear not! “It is possible, with some time, to promote this chemical again and restore functioning,” Golden says.

6. Masturbation can help with insomnia

If you find yourself stuck in bed watching the late night hours slowly become the early morning, it could be time to try a new sleep aid. “Just as people fall into a deep sleep after sex with a partner, because blood pressure is lowered and relaxation is increased through the release of endorphins, masturbation is a good sleeping pill,” says Golden. “It is relied on by many as a nightly occurrence.” Well, there’s no denying that it sounds more appealing than a glass of warm milk. Sweet dreams.Need a little help getting going? Try a sex toy (or five), like the ones in Love Honey’s top-selling Wild Weekend Kit.Next: Sex Toys Dont Need Genders

The post It’s Time for Some Self-Love—Here Are 6 Ways Masturbation Is Good for You appeared first on Best Health.

So, how do you squirt?

First, let’s establish what squirting is exactlyor try to. Turns out, its definition has been up for debate as far back as the 1600s, when Dutch physician and anatomist Regnier de Graaf became one of the radical few and first to take a scientific look at female ejaculation. He discovered it can be discharged when climaxing from what he referred to as the “female prostate.”The female prostate is often referred to as the Skene’s glands (named after a man, naturally), which are two ducts located around the urethra, close to the bladder. The Skene’s glands are comparable to the male prostate (which, as a reminder, produces semen), and is where female ejaculate is released from.”Female ejaculate wouldn’t have sperm or an egg in it, but it has the same function of creating lubrication and flushing the system,” says Megan Gilron, a Vancouver-based comprehensive sexual health educator. “It combines with the practice of urinating after having sex to clean everything out, so there’s no leftover bacteria that can cause problems [like urinary tract infections] later.”

Is it true it feels like pee comes out when you squirt?

The Skenes glands proximity to the bladder is also why some have assumed female ejaculate is urinebut that’s not accurate, says Montreal-based Dr. Gabrielle Landry, who specializes in sexual wellness. “While it is not expressly urine, the substance could contain some traces of it, she says. And yes, theres a very strong chance a squirting orgasm will make you feel like youre about to urinate, which is where a lot of the anxiety (and the thrill, lets be honest) surrounding squirting can come in. But rest assured, that’s not what’s happening.Research on squirting, in general, is minimal, but a 2018 study described the liquid as “a form of urine” that contains prostate-specific antigen with concentrations of urea, creatinine, and uric acid (all of which are found in urine). Still, the fluid produced is often clear or a murky white, far from a shade of yellow. In other words, it’s not as simple as straight-up pee.

Can anyone with a vagina squirt?

It depends on which data source you want to run with. For example, a 2013 study published in the Journal of Sexual Medicine found that anywhere from 10 to 54 percent of women can experience squirting. According to another 2013 study, women of all ages can ejaculate, and those who do produce two ounces of ejaculate each time. Clearly, more research needs to be done, but Gilron says it is possible, theoretically, for all women to squirtits just something that takes work.

Okay, how do I have one?

The instructions for squirting are the same as any other sexual play you need to be as comfortable and relaxed as possible because loose muscles are key. Communication is also essential if you’re attempting squirting with a partner. That can mean laying a towel down and having a conversation beforehand about what you want to do, how to do it and that, yes, it may get messybut that’s all part of the fun.It’s common to have anxiety around it, says Gilron. Particularly, it’s common to fear you might not actually squirt, but pee. These fears are similar to those issues surrounding anal play. But, the secret to squirting, says Gilron, is having trust and “overcoming the ick factor.She suggests a trusty technique: Your partner needs to use a “hooking motion,” where they will have their fingers inside you and find a walnut or pecan texture. They should then “hook and pull” that towards themselves in a kind of “come hither” motion. This is what we’ve come to know as stimulating the G-spot, which is actually more of an area than a specific, cute little target. “That [move] stimulates all the nerves and the muscles and that’s a very overwhelming feeling,” says Gilron. “If you’ve had a lot of water, you definitely can have projectile squirting.Wait, what? Here’s the thing: Drinking a lot of water before sex can lead to a more spectacular orgasm. According to Gilron, the more water in your system, the more likely you are to squirt. That’s because the fluid being expelled is largely water and that liquid has to come from somewhere. (So yes, that means being dehydrated can make reaching orgasm more difficult, too.)On the other end of the squirting spectrum, you may just see a bit of a trickleand that’s good too. As Gilron puts it, it’s as if those two ducts are tear ducts, and they’re just having a little cry.

What if it doesnt work?

If this technique or any other doesn’t help you achieve a squirting orgasm, don’t fret. As with most things when it comes to sex, it can be different for everyone, and it can also take time, practice and different tools (i.e. hands, angled toys, vibrators, dildos, a penis). It also may not be as exciting for everyone! Whatever the case, the more you think about it, the more pressure you’re adding, and that’s a recipe for disaster.”It’s healthy, it’s natural,” says Landry. “But I really want all women to know that if you never have it, that’s okay. It’s not because your partner is not good or there’s something wrong with your body. It’s really just a question of anatomy, and there is a lot of complexity when it comes to general orgasm.The unfortunate fact is that research on squirting remains limited. But pleasure will always be the bottom line, and that means normalizing every type of orgasmno matter how wet.Next: You Know Your Love LanguageHow About Your Sex Language?

The post Why Squirting Orgasms Are a (Really) Good Thing—And How to Have One appeared first on Best Health.

Male Fertility Tests

In March 2022, Canadian company Bird&Be launched an at-home test kit that screens for low sperm count and motility (the ability to move efficiently to the egg)something that hasnt been readily accessible in Canada before. Founders Samantha Diamond and Breanna Hughes developed the test with YoSperm and Medical Electronic Systems, the largest provider of automated sperm quality analyzers used in hospitals, universities and IVF centres around the world, to help people gain insight into their fertility in the most convenient (and private) way possible.A typical sperm test at a doctors office examines a semen sample for sperm concentration, health and movement. But the test isnt exactly easyit requires men and people with sperm to masturbate in a collection cup and drop it off at a lab to test within an hour of ejaculating. Its especially difficult for those in rural areas, says Ory, not to mention time-consuming and expensive.(Related: This Canadian Company Made Pregnancy and Ovulation Tests So Much Better)

How does an at-home sperm test work?

Similar to an in-office test, Bird&Bes kit measures sperm count against the healthy level indicated by the World Health Organization, which is 15 million sperm per millilitre, says Diamond. It can also detect low motile sperm, which is sperm that swim too slowly or twitch in place (healthy sperm swim quickly and towards the egg). Thats why its important to know both sperm count and mobility: having over 15 million sperm per millilitre doesnt necessarily mean a person is fertile if his sperm moves slowly, says Ory.Bird&Bes sperm test calls for a bit of a science experiment, says Diamond. It involves collecting the semen sample in a provided cup, adding a liquefaction powder, waiting a few minutes, mixing the solution and then extracting some of the sample and dropping it onto a slide, which goes into a device that records a video of the sperm. The results, which have a 97 percent accuracy rate, will then be sent to an app on your phone within two minutes. The test also provides a score that puts your result in the context of other people with sperm who have had children, says Diamond.

Who can benefit from sperm tests?

At-home tests are best for people who are simply curious about their sperm count, so they can get a better idea if its low or abnormal. It’s a great thing to know so you can expedite a referral to a specialist, says Ory. But if the score is low, theres no reason to panicsperm regenerate every two to three months and can respond to new healthy habits.There are limitations with at-home tests, Ory warns, and sometimes an in-office test is still necessary. Sperm tests in a clinic can test sperm morphology, which is essentially how it looks under the microscope, says Ory. Meaning, does it look normal? Is the tail of the sperm crooked? Does the head of the sperm look abnormal? An at-home test kit won’t be able to tell you that because the results need to be interpreted by a trained lab technician and andrologist or embryologist.

What impacts male fertility?

Low sperm count and motile sperm can be caused by lifestyle choices or a random genetic abnormality, says Ory. Signs of infertility for men and people with sperm include having unprotected sex for a long time and not getting a partner pregnant, a history of a bad testicular infection, low testosterone, having small testicles and having a varicocele, which is enlarged veins in the scrotum, he says. Unlike egg count for women, sperm count isnt significantly impacted by agebut age can affect sperm quality.

What can men and people with sperm do to boost their fertility?

Anyone whos having trouble conceiving should get a referral to a fertility specialist. According to Ory, the initial appointment will include a discussion about their health history, reviewing factors that may influence fertility, bloodwork, a look at the hormones in their brain that trigger testicles to make sperm (like testosterone), a physical examination and, of course, a sperm test.There is an incorrect assumption that if a guy has low testosterone, he should be given testosterone to boost his sperm count, says Ory. But if you give a guy a testosterone injection, it will act as a contraceptive and his sperm count will go down to zero. Instead, the right medications (such as HCG and clomiphene or tamoxifen) and healthy lifestyle changes can boost the body’s testosterone production naturally, and thereby boost sperm count. According to Ory, exercising, eating healthy, quitting smoking and stopping cannabis use can all improve sperm quality.Of course, the first thing people can do to boost their fertility is to learn what theyre working withand taking an at-home test is a good place to start.Bird&Bes At-Home Sperm Test is available now for $42 at birdandbe.com.Next: How Everyday Products Can Affect Your Fertility

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Should all sex toys be cleaned? Are there any exceptions?

Not everything can be sanitizedlike elastomer-based material (e.g. CyberSkin, which has a texture similar to skin, and is what fleshlights and stroker sleeves are made of), or thermoplastic elastomers (TPR or TPE) and rubberized material, says Rachele Manett (whose pronouns are they/their), education coordinator at Halifax-based sex shop Venus Envy.”Not only can elastomer-based material not be sanitized, but it harbours bacteria over time,” they say. It is meant to be thrown out eventually. A good way of detecting if your toy has met its expiry date is, much like rotten food, give it a quick sniff. If it smells a bit funky, it’s time to replace it.Manett suggests when possible, choose a 100 percent silicone toy, which can have a long life if taken care of properly.(Related: Can Cannabis Help Kick-Start My Sex Drive?)

Whats the best way to wash your sex toys?

There are a few different ways.

Soap and water

A good rule of thumb is to wash your sex toys the way you wash your facewith soap and water.”We recommend using a soap you know you’re not allergic to, says Jack Lamon, owner of Toronto-based sex shop Come As You Are. Among his favourites is Dr. Bronner’s unscented soap because few people react to it. After washing, Lamon recommends letting your toy air dry. The combination of soap, water and air-drying will take care of all of the potential STIs that people might be worried about.”

Boil

Cleaning your toys can also help prevent yeast infections and bacterial vaginosis. Manett sterilizes their silicone dildos by adding them to a pot of boiling water for five to 10 minutes. Note: Boiling is an effective sterilizing option for only non-vibrating silicone or stainless steel toys.

UV Sterilizer

“If you are someone who shares sex toys widely, or if you are a bit neurotic about hygiene and cleaning, a UV sterilizer can bring some psychological relief,” says Lamon, though he also adds that it isnt essential. A UV sterilizer is essentially a pouch that coats your toy in UV light to sterilize it.Expert tip: If youre sharing a toy that can’t be sterilized (like a vibrator) with multiple partners, Manett recommends using a condom.

Cant I just throw my sex toys in the dishwasher?

It’s often been considered the tried and true sex toy tip but, actually, dishwashing your toys isn’t recommended by the experts.Lamon says you wouldn’t wash your body with dishwasher detergentwhich isnt designed to be body-safeso you shouldnt wash your sex toys with it either.If youre adamant about using a dishwasher to clean your toys, Manett warns against putting motorized toys and those that are not 100 percent silicone in the dishwasher. The heat can kill the motor or even melt the toyplus, who wants to know their dishes were washed next to a butt plug?

What about those sex toy cleaners?

Sex toy cleaners can be a quick and easy way to sanitize your gadgets, but Lamon says these products arent as good as just soap and water. They often contain antibacterial agents that shouldnt be in or around your body, he says.(Related: What Exactly Is Tantric Sex, and Should I Try It with My Partner?)

Whats the best way to store sex toys?

Toys are often sold with a pouch or case, which you should continue to use and clean, as they can also protect your toys from getting nicked, which is important because cracks can be quite hospitable to germs. Dont have the pouch anymore? Manett recommends cutting up an old cotton t-shirt and wrapping the sex toy in it.Have more than one sex toy? Keep them separatewhether that’s in their respective pouches or Ziploc bags. Why? “People aren’t always aware of what their sex toys are made of, and different materials can react to each other, says Lamon. So if you have, lets say, a high-end silicone rechargeable vibrator and you store it with a fleshlight, that material can interact with your silicone toy and ruin the finish, making it less non-porous.”

Anything else I should know?

Don’t forget to give your sex toys a wash not only after but also before you use them, as theyre likely to catch dust or debris. After all, unlike a book you’ve left on a shelf, a gentle blow rarely does the trick. Well, you know, in this case.Looking for an easy-to-clean sex toy? Try We-Vibe X Lovehoney Remote Control Clitoral and G-Spot Vibrator ($112, lovehoney.ca).Next: Samantha Bitty Knows Good Sex (and Wants You to Know It, Too)

The post Are You Cleaning Your Sex Toys the Right Way (and Often Enough)? appeared first on Best Health.

1. I need fresh tech

Most of your clitoris is actually internal that wee nub you see is only the beginning. In the past few years, theres been an explosion (she said explosion) of options in a newer category of sex toy that uses pulsing airwaves instead of direct vibrations to stimulate your entire clit.Melt by We-Vibe, $159, we-vibe.com

2. Little help here? Im new

A bullet-style mini vibe can be the least intimidating way to start exploring sex toys (and its also a handy tool to have in your goodie drawer if you get into other toys that are designed to be powered by a bullet). This baby is rechargeable and has 20 different vibration patterns.Screaming O Charged Vooom Bullet, $40, screamingo.com

3. I like a classic

This chic standard vibrator can be used internally or externally and has an easy single-button control, which makes it great for beginners. Extra points for being a Canadian brand!Aurora by Bellesa, $99, bboutique.co(Related: 7 Best Self-Love Items from Nordstroms Online Pop-Up Shop)

4. Supersize me

Old-school wand vibrators can feel ridiculous at first because theyre just so large, but theres a reason theyve been around for so long. Their long reach means theyre especially handy (she said handy) for people with mobility issues and for partner play, and their powerful rumble means you can actually use them for massaging muscles elsewhere too.Lelo Smart Wand Medium, $209, lelo.com

5. Im ready to level up

A rabbit-style vibe is the ideal two-in-one toy. One ear is used for clitoral stimulation, while the other goes to work on your G spot internally. This model is super bendy, so the external ear never loses contact with your clitoris.We-Vibe Nova 2, $159, we-vibe.com

New and Noteworthy

This hot newcomer to the vibrator scene offers 10 intensity levels and is raking in five-star reviews. One user said it’s made them feel like a “teenager again,” while another called it “MAGIC.”Womanizer Classic 2 Rechargeable Clitoral Suction Stimulator, $150, lovehoney.caNext: Can Cannabis Help Kick-Start My Sex Drive?

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The episode Not Having It includes a range of people who arent having sex for various reasons. Why do you think we arent having as much sex as we used to?

Technology has drastically changed the way we interact, and in many cases, it has decreased our motivation to have in-person connections, whether thats sex or just going out for coffee with a friend. Add a pandemic, and theres even less incentive for us to actually have these in-person moments and connections.That’s one side. The other side is maybe the decrease in sexual desire isnt a bad thing. Now we have more people who are not succumbing to coercion because they understand the power of consent, and they understand the right to advocate for their body. And more people are saying no to the kind of sex we traditionally define as sex. They’re finding other ways to experience pleasure on their own terms. There are some communities, like under the asexual umbrella, which is looked at in this episode, in which no sex is an expression of their sexuality.

Right! We saw two women who identified themselves as prudes, and challenged the stigma around choosing to be celibatebut that may not be easy for some people to do. What advice do you have for someone who may feel unsure how to handle being asexual or having a low sex drive, and have difficulty navigating the dating world?

If you don’t feel confident, if you feel unsure, if you have questions, seek out a community, seek out the experts, seek out the workshops that can help. The amazing thing the pandemic has done is create this self-education boom with workshops and classes you can sign up for. Invest your time in people who have figured it outwhether that be having a sex-free relationship or boosting a low sex drivelearn from them and then see how those teachings can apply to your life.

Where do you think our need for in-person connection has gone?

Theres no one-size-fits-all answer for something so diverseand it could actually be more harmful to try to give just one answer. For example, weve seen a rise in the usage of antidepressants, which could be a positive thing, because more people are seeking out help, but maybe that’s also an indicator of how our lack of touch and connection has affected our mental health. However, to say lack of touch is leading to higher rates of depression is only telling a part of the story. Everyone needs to analyze their own behaviour and ask, Is there a relationship between how little human interaction I have and how sad I am feeling? Or maybe: Is there a relationship between not having as much human contact and feeling more safe and more empowered?

Have you noticed a lack of dating as well? Could that be the reason we’re having less sex?

I’m also Bumbles sex and relationship advisor, so I have the benefit of having access to their stats, and the trend coming out of a pandemic is intentionality: people being specific about what theyre looking for. There’s something called being consciously single, which is the idea that someone isnt single by default, because they can’t find anybody, but because this is what wellness looks like for them. There are also people who are prioritizing different types of connections, such as business ones.The pandemic has had a huge impact on people’s dating life. A study of the past two years showed 25 percent of women haven’t had one sexual partner, which obviously speaks to the fact that we’ve been encouraged to stay away from each other. But as things start to open back up, I think the new normal will be more intentionality.

What about the people who want to want more sexdo you have any tips for reigniting their sex drive?

First, assess if your low sex drive is frustrating you or not. Some people feel were supposed to hit this number, like having sex a certain amount of times per week, in order to be sexual beings, but it’s also okay if you’re just in a space where thats not important to you.If it is frustrating you and negatively impacting your sex life, nothing can replace having a conversation with the people you’re sexual with or want to be sexual with. Often their thoughts about why you have less sex are different from what your reality is, and that can take pressure off.Also, understand that after we get through that honeymoon phase in a relationship, you have to be more intentional about getting into that space where sex or connection is possible. Know your turn-on triggers and love language, and understand not everybody is going to get there the exact same wayand be curious about your partners turn-ons, so you can be on the same page.This interview has been edited and condensed for clarity.The Big Sex Talk is streaming on the free CBC Gem streaming service.Next: You Know Your Love LanguageHow About Your Sex Language?

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How much sex is normal?

When I confide to friends that I’m having sex less often than the much-quoted average of “a couple of times a week,” my friends then typically admit the same. “Sex life? What sex life?” is a common refrain among my peers. Female friends often voice a wish that their husbands didn’t want sex so often, while male friends occasionally admit to daydreaming about sex with other women.There’s nothing shocking about these divergent attitudes to sex; what is surprising, though, is that each gender tends to forget the other’s biological hard-wiring. In his book Mars and Venus in the Bedroom, John Gray describes the different ways in which men and women reach arousal. Men tend to respond to the sensual touch, taste, smell or visual cues. For women, arousal is usually a mental operation, requiring time to “switch off” from the day’s activities and then to “switch on” for pleasure. Quite often, it’s the delay between women’s and men’s responses that leads to sexual incompatibility.(Related: You Know Your Love LanguageHow About Your Sex Language?)

Improving your sex life

The solution? Sexual therapists the world over say the fastest way to a good sex life is to communicate with your partner. Lots of long-term relationships see libidos bottom out during busy, stressful or child-rearing times. The secret to intimacy, say therapists, is to ensure that ‘not often’ does not lead to ‘never.’ But apart from that rule, almost anything goes.Sex therapist Heide McConkey sometimes sees clients who believe they have a sexual problem when they really don’t. Men, she reports, often cite anxiety about their performance. “A lot of men complain they’re only maintaining their erection for three to five minutes,” she says. ”Congratulations,” I say. “You’re normal.”McConkey says couples also complain that they feel enormous pressure to pep up their sex life. “I saw a couple recently who were clearly deeply in love. But, they admitted, after almost 20 years of marriage, they weren’t making love very often. They wanted to know what they should do.” McConkey probed and both partners admitted they were content with the status quo. “If both parties are happy having sex three times a day, then that is a satisfactory agreement. Similarly, if a couple both feel okay about sex once a month, then it’s ample.”McConkey, who has counselled many people over the years, feels there is still a lack of real education in our society about sex. “Iget people in their 20s and 30s, asking what will happen to them if they masturbate. I tell them masturbation is not only normal, it’s healthy!”What about shyness? Not everyone has the courage to tell a partner how to kiss or perform oral sex. Therapists suggest it’s best to talk about what you like and what you want more of, rather than emphasizing the negative. When you can relate honestly and openly to your partner, that’s when the juices flow.Next: Its Time for Some Self-LoveHere Are 6 Ways Masturbation Is Good for You

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The type of birth control pill matters

Sex hormones, such as testosterone, are known as androgens and play a crucial role in the development of acne. Some birth control pills can stimulate the production of androgens and Nasello explains that excess can be linked to acne. Thats why, though the birth control pill can help most people with acne, Nasello says it really depends on which pill.Dr. Marjorie Dixon, CEO and medical director at Torontos Anova Fertility and Reproductive Health, agrees. [Androgens] increase oil production in the skin, which can block pores and cause acne, Dixon says. A combination pill, which contains both estrogen and progestin, is the most effective against acne because it decreases androgens in the body.In contrast, the progestin-only pill contains only one kind of hormone (progestin). This kind of pill has been known to stimulate the production of androgens, which may worsen or exacerbate acne.(Related: How Birth Control Can Impact Your Breast Size)

Give it time

If you start the birth control pill and notice your skin is the same orugheven worse, dont fret. Dixon warns it can take time for your body to adjust to the hormones.It typically takes about three months for birth control to begin exerting its acne-fighting effects, so make sure to give your prescription time to work, she says.Nasello gives the same advice and cautions that you could experience temporary acne flare-ups throughout your birth control journey if you arent dosing consistently. If this sounds like you, Nasello advises that you take the pill at the exact same time every day. For someone who just started taking the pill, it might take some time to settle into a consistent schedule, and this could contribute to hormone fluctuations and acne flare-ups during the first couple of months on the medication.In fact, if youre prescribed a progestin-only pill, its actually critical to take your pill at the same time every daynot only for your skin, but to prevent pregnancy. In addition to causing acne flare-ups, Nasello says inconsistent dosing can make the pill a less effective form of birth control, even causing other issues like breakthrough bleeding.(Related: Oily, Dry, or Irritated Skin? Theres a Skincare Acid for That)

Reminder: Birth control isnt really meant to treat acne

According to Dr. Jerilynn Prior, a professor of endocrinology and metabolism at University of British Columbia, users of the pill should know that it is designed, first and foremost, to prevent pregnancy.Although many doctors talk about (the pill) as though its standard to prescribe it for other thingsthese medicines are made for control first, not for treatment, Prior says.If you are using the pill purely for acne flare-ups and breakouts, Prior recommends that you see a dermatologist to explore your options.Next: A Decade-by-Decade Guide to Changing Up Your Skin Care Routine

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